Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Dreams of Stars Part 1

So the story begins.  Questions will be at the end.  Be honest, say why and enjoy.

Dreams of Stars

There is an old theory that says all great adventures begin in a bar of some sort, not that she believed in that old theory. In fact, Quinn himself, despite being the originator of the theory, openly denied it every time it was mentioned. "It was just a damn joke," he would say. Still, there were those that found an inordinate number of quests, adventures and journeys all seemed to start, or nearly start, in a tavern or bar or some place or another where alcohol was served.

Lcorn Llorne didn't believe in the theory, regardless of the evidence brought up to support it, and would have much rather not come into this place and swirled an awful brew of chemicals in her mouth and down her gullet just to 'fit in,' but the fact was she was out of options. Her last lead had dried up in this poor city on an under populated rock on the outer edge of the galaxy and she was left with nowhere else to go. So she decided to play the odds.

Nothing good had come up so far, especially not the alcohol the bartender insisted on feeding to her. It honestly tasted as if he had brewed the bulk of it in the basement, through an old pair of underwear and socks. He hadn't, a quick glance revealed that there was no basement, but he was certainly watering the stuff down with something that only vaguely resembled water. She took another sip and shivered at the taste. "An authentic experience is required," the article that suggested the bar theory had said, but Llorne was thinking that perhaps she could at least tweak the taste of the drinks to make them a bit more palatable.

"Hey sweetheart, you looking for a good time?" The drunk's breath hurt her nose and eyes, but she didn't let it show much. He was certainly in bad shape, probably had spent the better part of the day in this place trying to drown whatever it was that had driven him to drink. It was obvious that he hadn't bathed in sometime, his greasy, messy hair sat more like a piece of road kill on his head than actual hair and his clothes were tattered, worn and dirty. Llorne had no desire whatsoever to speak to him at the moment and figured that if perhaps she ignored him, he would go away. It would certainly keep with the ‘authentic experience’ that was for damn sure. "Damn it woman, when I talk, you're gonna listen!" He reached up to grab her shoulder and suddenly found he couldn't move. Every muscle locked at the same time, only the delicate ones of the eyes and the diaphragm seemed to be able to continue their natural movement cycle. There was a groan as he tried to move his hand at first closer to her, then simply at all.

"Why don't you head on home?" Llorne said quietly. "I'm sure you'll feel more rested in the morning, don't you?" As she finished, she turned to the almost frozen man and gave him a sly smile, confirming the fear that had started to grow within him that she had, somehow, caused his current predicament. With a gasp, he regained control of his body and muscles and moved once more. He grabbed at his wrist, looked at her with drunken fear, then blundered his way out of the bar, smacking several of the other patrons as he left.

"What's with him?" The bartender picked up the empty glass the drunk had left on top of the bar.

"No idea," Llorne replied. A couple of credit chips landed with a clack in front of her. "Thanks for the drinks," and she left, the bar theory being a complete flop. Flop or not, though, it was time to move on. He had to be somewhere on this planet, or nearby, everything said he was here, even briefly and he would most certainly left some sign of his passing. He always did. She stopped in front of the bar and looked up into the cool night sky. "Where are you Ritch 'arrd?"


Every star hung in the sky like a bright speck, highlighted by the smoke like trail that made its way across the sky. She lay on the grass staring up at the trail, wondering not just what it was, but where it was going. And what of the stars, what purpose did they serve? A rustle pulled her eyes away and she looked up to see him standing there, staring up into the sky as well.

"They are quite pretty, aren't they?" he said.

She sat up on her elbows and glared at him. "What do you want?"

He turned towards her, a smile spreading across his lips. "Why don't you like me? The others all do."

"There's something wrong with you. You're not normal." She dropped back down to the ground and returned her gaze to the sky.

"Well then, I guess you're more perceptive than the others," he spoke with a grunt as he sat down next to her. "Of course, some people just don't want to see the truth, no matter how obvious it is to them."

"Go away."

"Now, now, I just got here. Besides, I can't tell you about the stars if we don't talk a bit."

She had to look at him, half with curiosity, the rest animosity. "You don't know anything about them."

"I know what they mean to you," he said. "After all, they wouldn't call you Lcron Llorne if they didn't mean anything to you." She snorted a reply and turned back to the stars. "But I do know everything about the stars. I could tell you about them, if you want."

"I can't trust anything you tell me."

"Well, I'll just have to change your mind about that." He waved his hand up into the air. The stars, at once frozen to the sky, began to move. The swirled around his hand and as he pulled away, they continued to move, dipping and dancing around one another. Llorne seemed frozen to the ground, her eyes locked on the moving dots of light high in the sky. They slowed, finally, and carefully returned to their own positions as if they had never moved at all.

"How did you do that?"

"The real question is how would you like to be able to do that?"

"You can teach me?"

"Of course," he said. "I wouldn't have suggested it if I couldn't."

She looked at him, tracing his figure with her eyes. "Will you?"

"Yes, I will."



1.  What kind of person is Lcorn Llorne?  What does she look like (in your mind)?
2.  Does the setting seem fitting?  Would you like to know more?
3.  How did you pronounce Lcorn Llorne's name?  Just get as close as you can.
4.  What do you think of Bar Theory?
5.  Who do you think the man in the second part is?


  1. 1. She seems like a bounty hunter/wanderer type, gruff, a bit jaded. I see her in plain, utilitarian clothing that are well worn. As for body type, I see her as average height, lean but not muscular. If she can do whatever she did to that drunk often and on call, I don't think she needs brute strength, at least not often.
    2. I see this run-down bar, filled mostly with locals. I like the detail about the beer, funny enough, and how it must be watered down with... something. But the rest of the setting is still very vague in my mind. Other than it being, essentially, in the middle of nowhere.
    3. Li-CORN lorn? The "lor" rhymes with "oar", the "i" in "li" is short.
    4. I think it's a nice segue into the story, but it's referred to a bit too... heavily once we move into the current setting, into the bar.
    5. The mysterious Ritch 'arrd? Actually, while the second part is pretty interesting, there is barely any transition between the parts, and when the whole thing is read in a single clip it's a bit jarring. I don't know if reading this section with whatever comes next would smooth out the transition, but with just reading this I'm kind of thrown.

    I hope this helps (without being too critical).

  2. No, that's fine. Hmm, I might have to add a letter or something to Llorn's name, it's splled L L O R N, so it's more LaLorn as I pronounce it. Maybe just include an apostrophe. L'lorn. Might help.

    I'll see if I can get a better transition between the first two parts. They're also the oldest parts of the story (by years) so they probably need the most help.